Oh, Dana! “Should I Stay or Should I Go?”

Advice columnist Dana Buckmir.
Advice columnist Dana Buckmir.

Oh, Dana!
I’ve been seeing this guy for a few weeks. After three dates he said, “I want to be the man in your life. Will you be my lady?” I like him. I’m flattered that he wants to take the next step, but I’m unsure if it’s too soon. How do you know when you’re ready to become official?
Sincerely,
Officially Indecisive

Dear Officially Indecisive,
I’m picturing this guy saying this to you and I can’t help but hear Lionel Richie in the background asking “is it me you’re looking for?” Were there candles and a romantic dinner? Did he draw you a bubble bath and pour champagne for the occasion? Perhaps he presented his letter jacket for you to wear as an expression of his undying love? Okay, I’ve gone too far.

Your new boo likes you and wants to define the relationship. Can you blame him? I bet you’re amazingly brilliant and wonderful. Who wouldn’t want to lock that down? Understandably, he’s seeking clarification about where you stand; however, deciding on a date exclusively is not something that should be taken lightly.

Before you check the “yes” box consider if you’re ready for these changes. You’ll have to change your Facebook status from single to in a relationship. You’ll have to deactivate all of your accounts on dating apps. You’ll have to ignore all of the guys sliding into your DMs. There are a lot of things to consider when deciding if you’re ready to ditch the single life and enter the realm of a committed relationship. Whether you take the plunge depends on how much you value this guy and if you choose him out of all the contenders. He’s definitely on board to move to the next level, but that doesn’t mean that you have to be.

Personally, three dates seem premature to jump into a relationship. Do you know him after three dates? I don’t think so. He’s shown you the best version of him. As we know, people are multidimensional. You might want to stick around to see the different versions of him before you decide. The only way you’ll discover the real him is with time.

The beginning of a relationship is the blissful honeymoon stage. Everything is new and exciting. People are generally on their best behavior. I’d continue to date him until you don’t have any reservations. Keep your options open. Wait a few months. Don’t rush into anything. Tell him that you enjoy his company and that you’d like to get to know him better. Men tend to get complacent and lazy when they think they have you. Make him work a little harder for it. He needs to invest in you and prove his true intentions.

Time will tell if you’re ready to be official. For one thing, have you met anyone in his network? Observing how people interact with him will give you a window into the type of character he possesses. Also, how does he speak about his past relationships? His views on relationships and the frequency in which he engages in them might give you more information about whether this guy is a keeper or someone that you might have to get a protective order against in the future. Pay attention to what he tells you, but more importantly how he treats you.

His actions will be the biggest indicator if the relationship has the potential for longevity. Right now, you’re on the free trial and he’s asking you to sign up for a paid subscription. Ride it out for a little longer. Relationships aren’t a race so taking it slow will benefit both of you in the long run.

Dana Buckmir aka “Oh, Dana!” Dana is the author of the memoir “Plenty of Laughs: One Woman’s Journey Navigating the Online Dating Waters. The book is a comical account on dating in the age of technology, including the compelling story of finding love online. You can find a sample of her book at https://danabuckmir.com/Dana wants to help people with their lives, love, and everything in-between! She is taking your questions at Contact@danabuckmir.com All submissions are anonymous.

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