Dana Buckmir
Dana Buckmir
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Oh Dana! I’m a 28-year-old single woman who is having a challenging time finding a man that wants to have a relationship. There are a lot of men that are interested in having sex, but that’s it. Two men contacted me last week and said that they want to be friends with benefits aka have sex. What am I doing wrong? It makes me feel like I’m not good enough for a relationship if all of these men are just requesting sex. Sincerely, Sex and the Single Gal

Dear Sex and the Single Gal, Do men just want to have sex? This is news to me. Just kidding. Well, not really. Everyone knows that men are sexually motivated. It’s no surprise that men want sex, but for them to just lead with requests for sex shows a blatant disrespect for you and a complete lack of game. Part of me is relieved that they are being upfront about their intentions. I’ve always said that men should wear signs like, “I’m a player” or “I’ll cheat on you with anything that has a hole and a pulse” or “I’m a hopeless romantic.” Signs would make discerning the truth so much easier because let’s face it, men don’t always express who they are and what they want. At least these men aren’t masking their desires which allows you to keep scrolling past them when they pull the sex card. It sounds like what these guys need are prostitutes if they just want sex. I’d probably tell them that your fee is ten thousand an hour and see if they get back to you. No, I’m not condoning selling sex, but if they’re going to approach you with a stupid proposition then they deserve a smartass response. The bottom line is you’re not a sex worker or a philanthropist donating your vagina to charitable works. Men are thirsty for sex in general, but the pandemic has maximized their need for water to survive. Picture sex-starved Neanderthals trolling the internet mumbling, “Must have sex.” There are women out there who accept the requests for sex and that is why men continue to ask. It’s also a numbers game. If men keep asking, eventually they’ll find one or two women who are willing to be friends with benefits. You need to set your boundaries and be vocal about what you’ll accept. If a man asks you for sex, tell him that you’re looking for a relationship. Be clear and if he keeps hounding you about it then stop communicating with him because you’re not on the same page. People treat you how you allow them to treat you. A man will only do what you let him get away with. As far as your feelings about not being good enough for a relationship, you are more than good enough. These men aren’t good enough for you. They are low value and you’re seeking high value. Stick to your standards and expectations and you’ll find your perfect match. Look at dating like an employer hiring for a position. You want to choose the ideal candidate who will fulfill your needs. Don’t just hire anyone. Take your time. Find the man that is willing to give you the level of commitment that you deserve. Mama always said, “You have to kiss a bunch of frogs to meet your prince.” That may be true, but you just don’t have to have sex with all of them. So as far as these guys are soliciting sex, the answer is NEXT. Best, Dana

Dana Buckmir aka “Oh, Dana!” Dana is the author of the memoir “Plenty of Laughs: One Woman’s Journey Navigating the Online Dating Waters. The book is a comical account on dating in the age of technology, including the compelling story of finding love online. You can find a sample of her book at https://danabuckmir.com/ She is taking your questions at Contact@danabuckmir.com All submissions are anonymous

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Dana Buckmir aka “Oh, Dana!” Dana is the author of the memoir “Plenty of Laughs: One Woman’s Journey Navigating the Online Dating Waters. The book is a comical account on dating in the age of technology, including the compelling story of finding love online. You can find a sample of her book at https://danabuckmir.com/Dana wants to help people with their lives, love, and everything in-between! She is taking your questions at Contact@danabuckmir.com All submissions are anonymous.