I’m a single 31-year-old man with no kids. Recently, I met a girl at a festival that I wasn’t even supposed to go to. Our connection was magical. We spent the entire afternoon sharing conversation and laughs like we had known each other for years. We started communicating regularly. Then, I got a message from her saying that “she’s not ready to date right now.” After that, I never heard from her again. I’m so confused. What went wrong?
-Ghosted & Confused
Dear Ghosted & Confused,
I feel your pain. We’ve all been ghosted at one time in our lives. The worst part of it is all the unanswered questions because the person can’t pick up the damn phone. Okay, I’m slowing it down, counting to ten and doing some breath work. One. Inhale. Two. Exhale. Let’s proceed.
You’re left wondering why it ended so abruptly and that’s frustrating. I have a feeling that even if she did pick up the phone, you probably wouldn’t get the answer you want. Why? Because it has nothing to do with you. I’ll repeat. It has nothing to do with you.
There could be a whole bunch of reasons baby girl sped off the freeway like her hair was on fire. Maybe she’s having health issues. Maybe she is experiencing financial stress. Maybe she’s having problems at work. Maybe she’s fighting with her family. Maybe she’s talking to her ex. Maybe she’s in witness protection. This list of maybes are endless. There are so many theories that we can analyze, but the one thing we know for sure is that it is NOT you. That doesn’t make it hurt any less, but I hope it gives you some comfort.
I think because you felt a strong initial connection, the most disappointing part of the situation was that it fizzled out so quickly. You start to think about the what ifs and what could have beens. Your mind romanticizes the relationship. The way that she ceased communication is a big red flag indicating that you saved yourself a lot of heartbreak down the road from trying to tap dance around a person that doesn’t know how to express their feelings in a healthy way. Mature adults don’t run away from their problems and just discard people. Her behavior tells me that she has work to do in the emotional intelligence department.
I’m a firm believer in not forcing relationships. I know that the serendipitous nature of your meeting appealed to the hopeless romantic in you, but she is not the one. Maybe the experience was not to have you end up with her, but to open you up to chance encounters that will lead you to the perfect person. Think about how you met this girl after accepting an invitation that you initially wanted to decline. I think this was a lesson for you to step out of your comfort zone and take risks that will give you opportunities to meet your match. You’re going to meet someone that will fill you up, instead of making you feel empty. Don’t let this ghost haunt you. Hold onto the hope that your person is out there. Keep your eyes open and your heart full.
Dana Buckmir aka “Oh, Dana!” Dana is the author of the memoir “Plenty of Laughs: One Woman’s Journey Navigating the Online Dating Waters. The book is a comical account on dating in the age of technology, including the compelling story of finding love online. You can find a sample of her book at https://danabuckmir.com/ Dana wants to help people with their lives, love, and everything in-between! She is taking your questions at Contact@danabuckmir.com All submissions are anonymous.